Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
