All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
