once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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