Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
