No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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