The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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