dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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