I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
