I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
