I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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