Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
