I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
