i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
