We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize