That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
