How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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