we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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