Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
