i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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