Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
