His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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