Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
