all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
