Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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