when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
