There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
