she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
