We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
