Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
