After last night, I could never be a politician.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
