Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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