literally had 100 drinks last night.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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