I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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