I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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