i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
