Ambien. No doubt about it.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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