If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
