This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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