he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
