Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize