Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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