therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
