Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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