All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
