Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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