I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
