bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
