I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
