I just pynch a tree in the face
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
