omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
