I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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