just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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