remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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