I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
