Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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