i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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