even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
