R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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