I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
