Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
