I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She bit a glass in half.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
