its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
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Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.