He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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