I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!