your thong is hanging out like whoa
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.