That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She bit a glass in half.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
