So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
